The following post is the continuation of a weekly blog series called “Cultural Commentaries” by Family Council Communications Director Josh Mesker.
The pervading cultural attitude on dating appears to be that it is an end unto itself. Our culture says that dating casually is the way to have fun—merely something you do—until you’re ready to get serious about being in a relationship. I’d like to discuss this popular message and propose that dating isn’t just another activity. It should be treated as a means to an end, not simply as dinner and a movie.
The core problem with the notion that dating “just for fun” is even possible is that it leaves out the human element. Simply put, your date has feelings. Even a first date brings with it emotions, hopes, and expectations, however limited they may be—and hopefully are—at the time. A date implies that two people want to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship. In this respect, dating isn’t supposed to be “casual.” It can’t be. Yet we treat it as such. And people get unnecessarily hurt.
You can’t ignore the purpose of dating, which is to find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Some would rather brush aside the dreaded “M” word, but it’s this rejection of responsibility that shows they shouldn’t be dating at all. We don’t like to think about it this way, but the difficult truth is that we’ve got it backwards.
Choosing to handle dating seriously doesn’t mean you can’t also have fun. As a matter of fact, rejecting the idea that dating is just an activity and embracing its purpose will give your dating life deeper meaning. That’s because instead of treating dating like an object—and by extension, a person—you will build real relationships. And if the relationship doesn’t turn into something more, that’s okay. But at least honest effort was put behind it.
Take it from a happily married guy: Dating seriously doesn’t mean you’re sacrificing fun. Instead, you are building real relationships with people and refusing to treat them as objects to be disposed. This attitude will give you and those you date a more fulfilling dating life, and you just might help our culture see that there’s more to dating than just dinner and a movie.
